As we each come to experience the Spiritual realms, we become wayshowers to those on their path. We can spend our whole life journeying to the beginning, and it begins with a questioning mind.
I have always been curious about death. I have always searched for a direction and meaning to my life and to Life in general. I felt a need to connect to something larger than myself and have looked for answers in
Born with a restless soul eager to find peace both in the world and within myself, I share this story to offer a hand to those who are also seeking that Peace Beyond Understanding. I hope that sharing some of my story will encourage you to begin, or continue, yours.
It began for me when I was fifteen years old, on a bus heading to my friend Lisa’s house in rural Englishtown, New Jersey. In my hand was Plato’s Apology of Socrates, a book I carried everywhere. The bus was taking a wide bend in the road as I pondered the passage in front of me.
To fear death, gentlemen, is no other than to think oneself wise when one is not, to think one knows what one does not know. No one knows whether death may not be the greatest of all blessings for a man, yet men fear it as if they knew that it is the greatest of evils. And surely it is the most blameworthy ignorance to believe that one knows what one does not know. ~ Plato
As a young child, I wondered why no one wanted to talk about death. Now I thought, “How do we know death is so terrible and to be feared?” Sure, dying remained daunting, but death – …can it be a good thing? Then I asked myself how it is I think I know the truth about anything at all.
When I was fifteen, the focus on stuff in my family had already become empty and unfulfilling to me. The materialism embraced by my parents left me feeling a deep disconnect from my family and my surroundings. I suffered a nearly unbearable sense of emptiness and lack of meaning to my life. That day, on the bus, my mind opened and I realized that there were other ways to look at things, other interpretations of events, views alien to my family’s views, which might hold the key for me.
I remember I was leaning over the rail of the dock behind my home staring at the water of the Long Island Sound. I was mesmerized by the ripple patterns dancing before me. Then I noticed the clouds and the dock and even myself reflected on the surface. A thought entered my head as if from outside of me. All that you see on the surface is merely a reflection of what is real. The true life exists deep beneath the surface where whole worlds flourish invisible to the eye. Even then I sensed the weight of a truth which took another decade to fathom.
In 1972, I went off to American University to study psychology, philosophy, and the sciences. Raised without a religious background, I set out to answer my now burning question: Is there a God? As a child, I always talked to God at night when I was in bed. That’s when I thought God was listening. I would ask favors, bargain, and negotiate. I knew my parents didn’t believe in God, but I assumed someone was listening to my prayers.
I was determined to find out if there was or was not a God. If there is no God, then I figured there is no higher authority than my own conscience. If there is a God, then I would certainly vow to follow His laws. In my dorm room one night, I prayed to be shown proof of God.
I had this dream . . .
An enormous lotus flower is opening petal by petal revealing its utter perfection to me. There is such radiant light pouring from the center of the lotus into every cell of my (dream) body. I can feel the presence of God! I exclaim in the dream Yes . . . Now I know there is a God.
I wake up and still feel my body buzzing. I fall back to sleep. I dream again . . .
I am on a long line outside of a circus tent. Everyone on line, including myself, is carrying a small black box in their hands. “Step right up, ladies and gentlemen,”…the barker outside the tent is yelling, “Proof of God inside, proof of God inside!” Finally my turn comes and I enter the tent and am instructed to look into the little black box I carry. I raise the box to my eye and see the light from my first dream!
I was curious to explore further, so I learned to meditate and practice various forms of yoga. I went on to study dream interpretation, mysticism, world religions, parapsychology, metaphysics, and holistic health. All in an attempt to delve deeper into the mysteries. My journey continues.
I look back on that trip to Englishtown, New Jersey, and remember that is where my journey began.
Where does your journey begin?